“I am a hopeless romantic struggling in a hook-up culture”
Tinder(n): An application that everyone uses and pretends not to use, or even know about, when mentioned by relatives/neighbours.
Tinder has been catching on lately. People are there for all kinds of purposes (or so they say)- because they’re bored, because they want to meet new people, because they want to get over someone, but mainly for casual hook-ups.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. The definition of “hooking up” is usually looked at like it’s something filthy, like it’s wrong. It isn’t wrong. If two consenting adults wish to get into a casual consensual relationship, any third person shouldn’t be given the right to judge them without any valid reason.
But what comes with this mindset is a set of preconceived notions.
I, being a woman of the “new age hook-up culture”, had myself joined Tinder. What were my reasons?
I was bored.
Could I find someone interesting? Yes, I could.
After installing Tinder and deleting it within two hours of joining it for the lack of interesting people (and mainly guys who don’t understand sarcasm (no offense, but that’s a huge turn off) ), and repeating this exercise for a dozen times, I found a couple of people that I found interesting. I found someone who was cute, smart, funny and very easygoing. We went out for a couple of dates, had fun, and we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. But did we end up dating? No. Why? Because just because you enjoy someone’s company doesn’t mean you should date.
And then there was another one.
So, this guy had been pretty adamant about taking me out for quite a while. And one day, he did. I was a little apprehensive about him because even though he seemed like a really nice guy, he just came across as someone who would snap within seconds. Before going out with him, I had made it pretty clear that I wouldn’t ‘get involved’. We met, talked, and eventually, he made a move on me, but nothing happened, because I did not want it to, so I didn’t let him, and he was a perfect gentleman about it. I appreciated that.
However, later on when we spoke, I don’t know what led to it, but he got pretty caustic about stuff, because I didn’t do anything, and he got pissed (or at least that was what I inferred from the sequence of events), and then told me to “grow up” because I needed to stop being paranoid about things (Well, I’m sorry if I’m being overprotective of my body!)
From what I’ve seen from experiences of my own and of those around me, I’ve realized that blind dating and hook-up culture is only for those who can handle the drama.
I have known people who have walked out of Tinder dates (or hook-up plans) because guys wanted sex and the women didn’t. Are men to be blamed? No.
Because when you’re a Tinder participant, it is an automatic assumption that you’re there only for hook-ups (I am not saying that it’s right, but that it’s true), and when one party puts their interest forward, they cannot be blamed, because it isn’t a relationship that one is investing in, it’s a need. And everyone is allowed to watch their own interests.
So, if you’re planning to join Tinder, make sure to write “no hook-ups” in your bio, if you don’t want any drama, and if you do, don’t expect people to be nice and understanding, because no one would give a damn to your concerns, and you can’t blame them for it.